Know thy self.

If I pour your cup,
that is friendship

If I add your milk,
that is manners

If I stop there,
claiming ignorance of taste,
that is tea

But if I measure the sugar
to satisfy your expectant tongue,
then that is love

But if I measure the sugar
to satisfy your expectant tongue,
then that is love,

sitting untouched,

and growing cold

(Cold Tea Blues / Cowboy Junkies)



As you might suspect, even I can get the blues. I tend to write with a lot of optimism, as I tend to live with a lot of optimism, but sometimes things just pile up on a person and make you weary.

This week, I can’t decide whether a little rejection mixed in with a lot of heavier emotional turmoil was one too many things or just the right timing. After all, it’s easier to accept the rejection and forget about it when you’re already down about something else. Now don’t go sending flowers; the something else was no tragedy; just a challenge to my worldview as I contemplated an un-thought-out, unintentionally evocative comment made by someone about someone else. The subject matter tied my brain in knots for days and distracted me from being able to focus on anything else.

In the midst of that, someone I had extended myself toward shut down the attempt to connect. It was a gentle shutdown; but it was clear. And while it’s by no means the first time, of course it hurt. But I know myself. I know just how much I have to offer, and just how much I have to give. I know, too, something that I think is most important: I know what I believe in. And one of the things I hold most dear is stepping forward, metaphorical arms wide open, mind open, and just giving things a try.

When you’ve done that, there is no room for regret, for you have overridden it. Out-thunk it. Given it the boot.

So I’m delighted to report that I didn’t hold onto it, this fleeting feeling of being back at square one. All you can do in life is make an effort, and if you’ve done that and gotten nowhere, then at least you know to move forward, and move on, and that way nowhere is really somewhere, and you’re not lost at all.

(And if you’re wise about things, you move on toward the next person, who’s already been in the picture because you know never to focus on just one. ☺)