During my epic acupuncture session last week, Joseph the acupuncturist repeatedly whispered a phrase as he paddled my limbs and stretched me out. I am sure that the phrase was in a language other than English, but all I could discern each time he said it was "wishy . . . washy." And what a chord that phrase strikes in my mind when I think about dating in this town.
San Francisco has been, on the one hand, a hotbed for dating and fun for many of my female friends and, on the other, a real pain in the arse. In our first year here, we got asked out just about every time we met a new guy. California men seemed completely at ease with going on dates, and some of them seemed quite charming about it. But too many of us experienced something similar: though date after date occurred, though some of these guys professed how incredible we were, though action was gotten or romance seemed afoot, in the end, we were told, "I'm just not sure..." or "I can't do this..." or "I'm not ready...." What does such an epidemic of wishy-washyness represent?
A male friend said to me recently that any guy who says he's not sure whether he wants to date a woman or just be friends with her truly only wants to be friends. I lean toward agreeing with this analysis; but what of the part-time interest these men show? What explains that? I dislike generalizing about people; I dislike the practice of reading into one person's behavior lessons learned from another's. Yet I've seen such repetition of action here in SF, both in my own dating life and in my friends', that I have to start to wonder. Is it just an east-coast-girl/west-coast-guy conflict of interest? Or is there something about life here that keeps these guys from wanting to commit? Is the problem that California so well satisfies one's desire for the good life—one's desire to live to the fullest, experience everything, always find a new adventure soon enough—that people become restless souls, that "settling down" seems the antithesis of happiness?
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4 comments:
wait is it different on the east coast? have you talked to west coast girls? do you mean the guys don't want to date or go to bf/gf kind of thing? and are these natives or transplants? so many people here are transplants, so do you become a west coast girl after finally passing go?
Fair questions! Most of the men I've dealt with here have been Cali natives, but some are transplants like me. But even the transplants seem like old-timers soon enough. A new friend recently asked me how long I'd lived here and expressed surprise that it was only two years. Sometimes I think people here seem settled in after a day or two, it's just so easy to become part of this cushy cozy world. :)
On the other hand, the California natives I meet here think there is NO DOUBT I am still an east coaster. It's the whole speak-your-mind thing. :)
I think this kind of thing happens even in NY. . .different reasons - but in NY I would say it is b/c men think they have so many options among many attractive women etc. . .esp. ~30 year old guys, they start to feel they have the upperhand. Just my 2 cents.
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