Public Service Announcement

Recently some friends and I were talking about dating. I don't remember what led into it, but I announced that I tend to go for younger guys these days. I am sure that I also declared that men over 30 or 32 have too much baggage. I know, I know. This is an unfair generalization. I do always keep my mind open; but experience has me thinking that way. So you can imagine my horror when one of the guys in the conversation, who is solidly in his mid-20s and thus in a place of knowing, responded to my comments with something along the lines of, "But the problem is that guys in their 20s don't like kids, and women over 30 are ready to have 'em." Two very loud responses immediately competed to be heard in my head. The first, I will admit, was, Shit. Is it that obvious?! Because truth be told, I would love to have babies. But the other response was the stronger—Shit. Do men really think this way? Because if so, all us single 30-somethings are screwed!!

I thought a lot about this after my last breakup, when I was told (by someone my same age) that I was more mature than he was, that I was farther along in life than he was; that he could see this going to marriage and that that terrified him because he wasn't ready. What I found incredibly odd about that was that he seemed to imply that I was. I had never said anything along those lines. Maybe, in my own being, I am in a place from which I could steadily and happily take the next steps in life. I know I will be a kickass mom, and I think I will be great in a lifelong relationship; maybe I emit something that says that. But just because I, on my own, am prepared for those things doesn't mean I'm expecting to get to them anytime soon.

For starters, I'd have to find someone I want to marry, which is no small feat! (Though the last guy was thinking that way, I actually wasn't.) And being 30 means I was born in the 1970s, not the 1950s; a lot of things have to take place before I give birth. Let's do the math to illuminate the point: By the time I find a guy I like, start dating him, get into a relationship with him, and decide I want to marry him, it's likely that two or three years have passed since we met. Maybe another year passes before we actually get married. Once we do, I can't imagine having kids for at least a year or two (and that would be longer if age weren't a factor in pregnancy). Which means it's at least five years from the starting point before I even want to pop any out! At which point, you'll take note, the men in their mid-20s are 30+ and perhaps more ready to have babies. (Meaning my younger-man fetish still has a chance!)

If I hadn't been so flabbergasted by the out-of-the-blue breakup, I might have asked that last boyfriend why on earth he thought I was looking to marry him. We never talked on that level, and we weren't even at a place of saying I love you. But he had told me enough about his previous relationships for me to guess that he had seen a pattern in the way women think, and he was applying what he had known to be the case in other situations to the one with me. And here's where we get to my PSA. All you charming single men, no matter your age, please remember: we don't all operate the same way. There may be women who have reached 30 unmarried and are upset by it; but the ones I know who are single at this age are still single because they can handle it. They may get frustrated with it sometimes, but they can handle it. Most of them have all kinds of interesting things going on in their lives, making them perhaps even more independent (and intriguing) than you can imagine. So please, don't fall into any of those generalizations I lightly started this post out with. Keep your mind open. I can promise you: we're worth it. (Like wine, we get richer with age.)