Let's talk about my love life.

That’s right. I’m feeling guilty because all this being under the weather has kept me from writing decent blog posts; you’ve kindly suffered through my whimpering, but I’m feeling I owe you a really good post, something you can sit back and get a kick out of. And I know which of my posts do that the best for ya. I know you like it when I get into my past dating stories, get into the details, into the good stuff.

The tricky thing in writing about what’s current is that a lot of single guys read this, and I might be writing about some of you if I were to do that. That’s ok, in a sense—all my readers know I keep things anonymous. But I’m not looking to make any revelations to you here in public; if I want you to know more fully than I already think you do what I’m thinking about you, I’ll make that happen in the real world. Thus here, I have to find ways to write very generically when I address the present day; to keep things open-ended, so not just you but also you and you start wondering who it is I’m writing about. And if you’re all confused, then I don’t have a problem; I just don’t want anybody feeling like we’re in high school, and this is how I’m asking you out. (And if anyone were to be inclined, still, to think that, I’d refer you back to my last post about my current thoughts on dating, wherein lies some pretty good evidence of my ability to share my interest to your face.)

Actually, that post is a good place to start. I knew when I wrote it that I might not be telling the whole truth about my mindset. I had someone in mind at the time, and I had an inkling that maybe that sense of pride that had set in had nothing to do with in general and everything to do with him in specific. Sometimes, though you don’t want to see it, a part of you just knows a person is misleading you. They give you good signs, but not good enough. You’re an optimist, and a romantic, and a very trusting person, so you tend to read into things, you tend to be hopeful; but you’ve been through the early stages enough times by now to have a built-in alert that you know you have to start listening to when it’s been ringing a while. So in that case, my pride was kicking in full-force as a protection mechanism: as a means of reeling back in the girl in me who still gets excited when she meets someone she likes and sometimes forgets to filter all the facts along with the fervor.

Needless to say, shortly thereafter I found out this guy had never merited the attention I’d paid him. And that was ok. The really great thing about being three days away from turning 31 (and this is the first time I’ve found a silver lining in that, so I’m glad you got me talking on this topic) is that it means that somewhere in the past few years I reached a euphoric state of not sweating it when it comes to dating. When you’ve been through this stuff enough times, you realize that each small investment of energy and loss of effort has little impact on your inner compass. It doesn’t drain you. You give what you have to give, and if it’s returned to you, you keep moving. There are, no doubt, at least two other guys in play at any given time anyway. That’s how dating works at this age, and I love it. I have so many opportunities to meet new people, and I’ve shed most of those stupid requirements about height and weight and hair color, which are all completely illogical anyway; I’ve also broadened my concepts of what a man I love could do for a living, or as a hobby, or for humor; and I’ve refined my understanding of how to take life as it comes and make sure to come to it, too, rather than waiting around for anything.

As part of that, I get to know everyone who intrigues me. I tend to think it is, in fact, essential for keeping one’s sanity around dating to have more than one interest at a time. That is not to say that I want to be seeing a couple of guys at one time with any seriousness; but as long as I’m just formulating my own interests and not sure what any of them think, I think it’s good to keep my focus scattered. After all, not everyone you fall for feels the same way about you.

But what if they do? What if you find yourself becoming very fond of two people at the same time, and you think it’s plausible that they’d both be interested if they knew? I know some of you would say I have to ask them both out, then, and see where things truly stand. But you know what I’ve noticed, in a big way, since I got over my pride thing? I am loving going old-school with the method that has generally always been my downfall but I still believe is the best way to go—and that is good ole getting to know the person well before anything serious occurs. Given that my last boyfriend and I decided to be “together” on the fifth day we knew each other, which proved to be much too rushed, I can’t tell you how much I’ve been savoring having recurrent great conversations with some wonderful guys without anything being clearly a dating situation. Like I said, I get excited about people when I like them, and it’s a treat to nurse that enthusiasm. I know some of you get impatient wanting to know when something will develop with this guy or that guy, but the fun thing is that I don’t. I like where I’m at with each person. I won’t complain one bit if any of them reveal deeper interests; but for now, I am savoring the process of finding out each new thing, creating each new memory, smiling each big smile that these guys leave on my face.